So I used to be pretty girl crazy. As is evidenced here. And still a dick. I also took a lot of those shitty quizzes as was the trend back then. I definitely should've paid more attention in school. Play the video, nerd.

the volume of my heart set on mute....

Dec. 4th, 2003 | 12:50 am
mood: complacent
music: Last Broadcast - Matthew

Eh, today was an okay day all in all, I guess. I didn't do anything except class assignments all day.
We get a half day tomorrow. We're going to take a pep band to the girl's v-bball game tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to it at all. I mean, it's kinda fun, I guess, but I only look forward to seeing faces I've never seen before. Mainly girls. No, it's all about girls. Hope is non-existent for meeting any girl(s) right now, even the one's I talk to on a regular basis and whom I like very much....okay, one, jeez.
I think it'll be official soon, though. The point where I like a girl but as I see there's no chance of me getting with her, I just give up on girls for awhile. Maybe date a little, but I doubt that because for that to happen girls have to be interested in me in the first place.
I think I'll continue liking this one girl imparticular, but for now, I just could care less if she or any other girl likes me. I mean, that would be cool, but I'm not going looking for it or getting my hopes up. I'm just looking forward to girl watching at the game tomorrow. Sad, I know, but look at me, I've got nothing better to do.

raise a glass to the nameless faces of my heart....

(*(russ)*)

this hour is going by so slooooooooooww......

Dec. 4th, 2003 | 08:32 am

Congratulations! You are my perfect guy! Now,
just give me your name, email address, phone
number, and street address so that I can
propose to you! Just leave your info at
http://www.xanga.com/awff7 and I'm sure we can
arrange something...


Are You My Perfect Guy? (with Final Fantasy and Kingdom Hearts Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

glancing at girls who stare through me....

Dec. 4th, 2003 | 11:52 pm
mood: thoughtful
music: Liars Academy - The Brickwall Will Always Win

Well, today pretty much didn't suck, but it wasn't great either. We got out of school early to go play at the girl's basketball game and that was fun.
I owe Loren $4 and Brett $5. The game was okay, I found a pretty girl to glance at every once in awhile. We waved to people from the bus on the ride home. I guess it was fun, nothing to rave about. Levi Ralph passed our bus on the way home and about 10 minutes later we saw him pulled over by a cop. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Friggin loser.
Came home and played video games, then played the concert at the school. Came home and then...yeah...here I am.
Going pretty much nowhere this weekend. Mainly doing chores in the day to earn cash for Christmas. Then Saturday night, going to see Bad Santa with Kristin. Then Sunday shopping around for overalls for the play.
I really would give anything to be a hero with a purpose. Fighting for the salvation of the world. Knowing not what to do next, but as long as it helps me towards my ultimate goal, it's what I have to do. Saving the ones I love and fighting enemy after enemy with my huge sword and my friends by my side. Exploring the paths of the unknown to find the next clue to get us to the Leader of our troubles. I'd give anything for that....


here's to never waking up...

(*(russ)*)

I hate you so much, 17 year old me. Ugh.

Dec 3rd, 2003

Here we go. Here's a post about one of the things that made me who I am today. Hall shows. I really wish there were more hall shows and local music scenes going on like when I was in high school. It was literally a life changing experience going to my first hall show. That being said, this post is about that and some girls I was into and for some reason talked about because I was an asshat. Play the video, nerd.

BEST DAY I'VE HAD..............since last night at practice :]

Dec. 3rd, 2003 | 01:20 am
mood: accomplished
music: Joust - Life is Worth the Life

Well my mom let me go to the Anathallo concert tonight. We got there and listened to joust, then walked into the lobby and when I was walking out my friend Hillary showed up! Yay! I love me Hillary, she pretty, and funny, and sassy too! We talked every second we got to. I love that girl to death! I hung out with Kristin, too. Pretty girls make me happy. Kristin especially just because she stands out from the crowd.
Although only one would make me happiest right now. Check three entries ago (*(sigh)*) yeah, you all know the one. But it's hard to want to be in love with a girl who probably likes your best friend more. Even if true, I'll get over it.
Had a ton of fun tonight, though. HIllary made my day! Saw Joust, Bunkbed Nights, Anathallo, and The Last Broadcast. Bought some cd's and stuff. Now I'm broke. Although, seeing a ton of hott girls I knew I could never have made the night better all on it's own. :[
Hillary, if you're reading this, thank you for making my night special! It woudn't have been the same without you there. I hope...no....I know we'll be friends for years to come! Love ya just enough for ryan not to be jealous...hehe...

here's to dying in another's arms.....

(*(russ)*)

check this out!!!!

Dec. 3rd, 2003 | 12:31 pm
mood: excited
music: Joust - By the Bounce in Your Step

Super Mario Bros. 3 in 11 MINUTES!!!!!!!
CHECK IT!!! WORTH IT!!!

yeah...i'm a geek....

Dec. 3rd, 2003 | 02:15 pm
mood: quixotic
music: Joust - When We Got Here

Wow, you're a Squall. I don't think I've ever met a
Squall before. You may seem quiet and boring
but you really have a tortured soul. You'd be a
great character in those heartbreaking romance
novels. Too bad you'd probably die in the end.

Yup. Classic 2000's internet. Hall shows. Girls. And character quizzes. ANYHOW! Here's some of the bands I mentioned! None of them are around anymore! Woo!

Joust:

Bunkbed Nights:

The Last Broadcast:

Anathallo:

Dec 2nd, 2003

Well, this post isn't nearly as embarrassing as yesterday, but parts of it wouldn't be considered "politically correct" today. Fuck it. I was a shitty, angry teenager getting picked on by some jock asshole.  This was me lashing out instead of committing some act of violence like kids seem to easily do today. It does being nicely though with the thought of hall shows and local bands so enjoy that while it lasts. Play the video nerd. Well, there you have it. 

SHOW TONIGHT!!!!

Dec. 2nd, 2003 | 08:41 am
mood: anxious
music: Motion City Soundtrack - Boombox Generation

[ 12.02.03 ] 7:00pm
Mount Pleasant, Michigan Plachta Auditorium, Central Michigan University
Last Broadcast Cd Release Party! w/ Joust
Contact: FREE!!!

Fat Jokes???? No way....

Dec. 2nd, 2003 | 01:11 pm
mood: bored
music: Mr. Short's html meanderings

So yeah Chris "I'm a latent homosexual" [Last Name Redacted] was dragging this Chen kid down the hall, saying he was his friend and crap. So then Kendall came over making a joke about Chris being racist. Then Chris came over, and let me tell you, it got really crowded after that. He started asking if someone was talking about him. I told him, even if we were, it's none of his business. Then he asked if we were making fat jokes. Kendall says of course not, now go away. After he turned away, I gave him the middle finger as angrily as I could. Haha, I hate that kid. If breasts were brains, he could give Einstein a run for his money. Oh well.

I got picked on in high school and I turned out....alive? Eh. Fuck that guy.

Dec 1st, 2003

Oh. Oh no. This post. I was dreading reading some of the poetry I wrote as a sensitive, pile of mush as a 17 year old idiot, but this....this may be more embarrassing. This is three entries from December 1st, 2003 so bear with me on this one. The last entry doesn't disappoint. Fuck.

too tired....

Dec. 1st, 2003 | 12:43 am

I'll update today at school.....
-"-russ-"-

girl...3????

Dec. 1st, 2003 | 02:20 pm
mood: thankful
music: Yellowcard - Way Away

Well Friday and the rest of the weekend came and went. Friday was fun, though. The guys and went bowling then crashed at kevin's.
We all met at Kendall's house. I KIND of asked his sister on a "date" just to feel her out and see how she really felt about me. I told her if she was nice to her mom, Her, kendall, another girl and myself would go see LOVE ACTUALLY. It was more of a joking way, actually.
Me and the guys stayed up 'til 7:30 in the morning saturday just talking. It was fun. We went around talking about girls mostly. Come to find out I'm most likely, to my friends, to go out with either Mallory or Kaitie. Disappointing and yet not, considering I've liked Mal since about 7th grade.
Saturday came and Kaitie was asking me on AIM if we were going to see LOVE ACTUALLY. I said yeah, and then we formulated plans from there. She told me to ask Mal if she could go so I went to the dairy to talk to Mal. She said she could come. So Kendall, Kaitie and I went to the mall to grab a bite to eat until Mal got out of work. Anyways, cutting to the chase, we all went to the midland cinema and saw LOVE ACTUALLY. Seating was me, mal, kaitie, and kendall. The more I looked at how pretty she is and how considerate and smart she is, the less I liked kaitie and the more I realzed how long I've like Mal. Mal's got everything, except time for a b/f so for now, I'm content being me, myself, and I. But as soon as I settle into this, like always, a girl will come along and ask me out.
The four of us went and spent the night at the Krish's house. When I went home to ask my dad if I could go, he yelled at me for leaving Chris home alone. Even though Chris didn't care. My dad told me to get the F&%$ out! So I did. In the morning we went to Hopevale with Mal. It was fun. I like that church. I might start going there.
Molly was really nice to me. So that started off a good day. We went and ate lunch at the mall and browsed around. It was really nice spending the day with a beautiful girl like Mal. My days have been so broing and uneventful lately.
Then my mom scolded me about the same thing my dad did. THen Chris and I hung out the rest of the day and went over to a friend's and watched a movie. Ocean's 11, good movie.
Going to the Anathallo show tomorrow night, I hope. Chris is leaving tomorrow. My room is my own as of 10 pm tonight after practice.

Continuing on my journey down the path that will one day lead to the arms of the woman I love......

^_^russ^_^

Grrrness...

Dec. 1st, 2003 | 10:55 pm
mood: giddy
music: Foo Fighters - One By One

Dear God, what have I done to deserve such confusion? Lemme explain folks. Ok, thought I was over Molly, But yeah, tonight made me realize I'm really not. How could I have been so stupid to think I could get over such a beautiful girl so soon? We went off and did lines together tonight and I had so much fun! She was miserable about trying so hard to memorize her lines and not getting them, I had to do something to cheer her up.
It's my obligation as a lifetime member of the "nice guys finish last" club. Not saying I don't like doing it, I just don't like letting my affections dangle helplessly in someone's hands. Capable hands as they may be. So I made funny voices of the characters to cheer her up. Mission accomplished but at what an expense? My heart yearning for beauty it'll never know? Grrrr, why am I so hopeful?! argh. Well at least I had fun doing what I do best, making one of the most wonderful girls I know feel better.
At SHE was the one who came up with the idea of seeing a movie. Although, she was just kidding, most likely. Even goofing around seriously about it, couldn't hurt. What if she was for real? What then? At least I'd stand a chance on some morally common grounds with myself.
Oh, well. If I like her and she doesn't actually like me. Things will go back to normal and I'll try my hardest to do the Rationalize-My-Emotions-Away routine to the best of my abilities. Plus, at least I get the enjoyment of spending time with her. ^_^

one by one I'll be searching for something.....

^_^russ^_^

Jesus. That was seriously painful. I'm surprised I ever even had sex when I did let alone at all with this shit floating around in my head and on the internet.