So I used to be pretty girl crazy. As is evidenced here. And still a dick. I also took a lot of those shitty quizzes as was the trend back then. I definitely should've paid more attention in school. Play the video, nerd.

the volume of my heart set on mute....

Dec. 4th, 2003 | 12:50 am
mood: complacent
music: Last Broadcast - Matthew

Eh, today was an okay day all in all, I guess. I didn't do anything except class assignments all day.
We get a half day tomorrow. We're going to take a pep band to the girl's v-bball game tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to it at all. I mean, it's kinda fun, I guess, but I only look forward to seeing faces I've never seen before. Mainly girls. No, it's all about girls. Hope is non-existent for meeting any girl(s) right now, even the one's I talk to on a regular basis and whom I like very much....okay, one, jeez.
I think it'll be official soon, though. The point where I like a girl but as I see there's no chance of me getting with her, I just give up on girls for awhile. Maybe date a little, but I doubt that because for that to happen girls have to be interested in me in the first place.
I think I'll continue liking this one girl imparticular, but for now, I just could care less if she or any other girl likes me. I mean, that would be cool, but I'm not going looking for it or getting my hopes up. I'm just looking forward to girl watching at the game tomorrow. Sad, I know, but look at me, I've got nothing better to do.

raise a glass to the nameless faces of my heart....

(*(russ)*)

this hour is going by so slooooooooooww......

Dec. 4th, 2003 | 08:32 am

Congratulations! You are my perfect guy! Now,
just give me your name, email address, phone
number, and street address so that I can
propose to you! Just leave your info at
http://www.xanga.com/awff7 and I'm sure we can
arrange something...


Are You My Perfect Guy? (with Final Fantasy and Kingdom Hearts Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

glancing at girls who stare through me....

Dec. 4th, 2003 | 11:52 pm
mood: thoughtful
music: Liars Academy - The Brickwall Will Always Win

Well, today pretty much didn't suck, but it wasn't great either. We got out of school early to go play at the girl's basketball game and that was fun.
I owe Loren $4 and Brett $5. The game was okay, I found a pretty girl to glance at every once in awhile. We waved to people from the bus on the ride home. I guess it was fun, nothing to rave about. Levi Ralph passed our bus on the way home and about 10 minutes later we saw him pulled over by a cop. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Friggin loser.
Came home and played video games, then played the concert at the school. Came home and then...yeah...here I am.
Going pretty much nowhere this weekend. Mainly doing chores in the day to earn cash for Christmas. Then Saturday night, going to see Bad Santa with Kristin. Then Sunday shopping around for overalls for the play.
I really would give anything to be a hero with a purpose. Fighting for the salvation of the world. Knowing not what to do next, but as long as it helps me towards my ultimate goal, it's what I have to do. Saving the ones I love and fighting enemy after enemy with my huge sword and my friends by my side. Exploring the paths of the unknown to find the next clue to get us to the Leader of our troubles. I'd give anything for that....


here's to never waking up...

(*(russ)*)

I hate you so much, 17 year old me. Ugh.

Dec 3rd, 2003

Here we go. Here's a post about one of the things that made me who I am today. Hall shows. I really wish there were more hall shows and local music scenes going on like when I was in high school. It was literally a life changing experience going to my first hall show. That being said, this post is about that and some girls I was into and for some reason talked about because I was an asshat. Play the video, nerd.

BEST DAY I'VE HAD..............since last night at practice :]

Dec. 3rd, 2003 | 01:20 am
mood: accomplished
music: Joust - Life is Worth the Life

Well my mom let me go to the Anathallo concert tonight. We got there and listened to joust, then walked into the lobby and when I was walking out my friend Hillary showed up! Yay! I love me Hillary, she pretty, and funny, and sassy too! We talked every second we got to. I love that girl to death! I hung out with Kristin, too. Pretty girls make me happy. Kristin especially just because she stands out from the crowd.
Although only one would make me happiest right now. Check three entries ago (*(sigh)*) yeah, you all know the one. But it's hard to want to be in love with a girl who probably likes your best friend more. Even if true, I'll get over it.
Had a ton of fun tonight, though. HIllary made my day! Saw Joust, Bunkbed Nights, Anathallo, and The Last Broadcast. Bought some cd's and stuff. Now I'm broke. Although, seeing a ton of hott girls I knew I could never have made the night better all on it's own. :[
Hillary, if you're reading this, thank you for making my night special! It woudn't have been the same without you there. I hope...no....I know we'll be friends for years to come! Love ya just enough for ryan not to be jealous...hehe...

here's to dying in another's arms.....

(*(russ)*)

check this out!!!!

Dec. 3rd, 2003 | 12:31 pm
mood: excited
music: Joust - By the Bounce in Your Step

Super Mario Bros. 3 in 11 MINUTES!!!!!!!
CHECK IT!!! WORTH IT!!!

yeah...i'm a geek....

Dec. 3rd, 2003 | 02:15 pm
mood: quixotic
music: Joust - When We Got Here

Wow, you're a Squall. I don't think I've ever met a
Squall before. You may seem quiet and boring
but you really have a tortured soul. You'd be a
great character in those heartbreaking romance
novels. Too bad you'd probably die in the end.

Yup. Classic 2000's internet. Hall shows. Girls. And character quizzes. ANYHOW! Here's some of the bands I mentioned! None of them are around anymore! Woo!

Joust:

Bunkbed Nights:

The Last Broadcast:

Anathallo:

Dec 2nd, 2003

Well, this post isn't nearly as embarrassing as yesterday, but parts of it wouldn't be considered "politically correct" today. Fuck it. I was a shitty, angry teenager getting picked on by some jock asshole.  This was me lashing out instead of committing some act of violence like kids seem to easily do today. It does being nicely though with the thought of hall shows and local bands so enjoy that while it lasts. Play the video nerd. Well, there you have it. 

SHOW TONIGHT!!!!

Dec. 2nd, 2003 | 08:41 am
mood: anxious
music: Motion City Soundtrack - Boombox Generation

[ 12.02.03 ] 7:00pm
Mount Pleasant, Michigan Plachta Auditorium, Central Michigan University
Last Broadcast Cd Release Party! w/ Joust
Contact: FREE!!!

Fat Jokes???? No way....

Dec. 2nd, 2003 | 01:11 pm
mood: bored
music: Mr. Short's html meanderings

So yeah Chris "I'm a latent homosexual" [Last Name Redacted] was dragging this Chen kid down the hall, saying he was his friend and crap. So then Kendall came over making a joke about Chris being racist. Then Chris came over, and let me tell you, it got really crowded after that. He started asking if someone was talking about him. I told him, even if we were, it's none of his business. Then he asked if we were making fat jokes. Kendall says of course not, now go away. After he turned away, I gave him the middle finger as angrily as I could. Haha, I hate that kid. If breasts were brains, he could give Einstein a run for his money. Oh well.

I got picked on in high school and I turned out....alive? Eh. Fuck that guy.

Dec 1st, 2003

Oh. Oh no. This post. I was dreading reading some of the poetry I wrote as a sensitive, pile of mush as a 17 year old idiot, but this....this may be more embarrassing. This is three entries from December 1st, 2003 so bear with me on this one. The last entry doesn't disappoint. Fuck.

too tired....

Dec. 1st, 2003 | 12:43 am

I'll update today at school.....
-"-russ-"-

girl...3????

Dec. 1st, 2003 | 02:20 pm
mood: thankful
music: Yellowcard - Way Away

Well Friday and the rest of the weekend came and went. Friday was fun, though. The guys and went bowling then crashed at kevin's.
We all met at Kendall's house. I KIND of asked his sister on a "date" just to feel her out and see how she really felt about me. I told her if she was nice to her mom, Her, kendall, another girl and myself would go see LOVE ACTUALLY. It was more of a joking way, actually.
Me and the guys stayed up 'til 7:30 in the morning saturday just talking. It was fun. We went around talking about girls mostly. Come to find out I'm most likely, to my friends, to go out with either Mallory or Kaitie. Disappointing and yet not, considering I've liked Mal since about 7th grade.
Saturday came and Kaitie was asking me on AIM if we were going to see LOVE ACTUALLY. I said yeah, and then we formulated plans from there. She told me to ask Mal if she could go so I went to the dairy to talk to Mal. She said she could come. So Kendall, Kaitie and I went to the mall to grab a bite to eat until Mal got out of work. Anyways, cutting to the chase, we all went to the midland cinema and saw LOVE ACTUALLY. Seating was me, mal, kaitie, and kendall. The more I looked at how pretty she is and how considerate and smart she is, the less I liked kaitie and the more I realzed how long I've like Mal. Mal's got everything, except time for a b/f so for now, I'm content being me, myself, and I. But as soon as I settle into this, like always, a girl will come along and ask me out.
The four of us went and spent the night at the Krish's house. When I went home to ask my dad if I could go, he yelled at me for leaving Chris home alone. Even though Chris didn't care. My dad told me to get the F&%$ out! So I did. In the morning we went to Hopevale with Mal. It was fun. I like that church. I might start going there.
Molly was really nice to me. So that started off a good day. We went and ate lunch at the mall and browsed around. It was really nice spending the day with a beautiful girl like Mal. My days have been so broing and uneventful lately.
Then my mom scolded me about the same thing my dad did. THen Chris and I hung out the rest of the day and went over to a friend's and watched a movie. Ocean's 11, good movie.
Going to the Anathallo show tomorrow night, I hope. Chris is leaving tomorrow. My room is my own as of 10 pm tonight after practice.

Continuing on my journey down the path that will one day lead to the arms of the woman I love......

^_^russ^_^

Grrrness...

Dec. 1st, 2003 | 10:55 pm
mood: giddy
music: Foo Fighters - One By One

Dear God, what have I done to deserve such confusion? Lemme explain folks. Ok, thought I was over Molly, But yeah, tonight made me realize I'm really not. How could I have been so stupid to think I could get over such a beautiful girl so soon? We went off and did lines together tonight and I had so much fun! She was miserable about trying so hard to memorize her lines and not getting them, I had to do something to cheer her up.
It's my obligation as a lifetime member of the "nice guys finish last" club. Not saying I don't like doing it, I just don't like letting my affections dangle helplessly in someone's hands. Capable hands as they may be. So I made funny voices of the characters to cheer her up. Mission accomplished but at what an expense? My heart yearning for beauty it'll never know? Grrrr, why am I so hopeful?! argh. Well at least I had fun doing what I do best, making one of the most wonderful girls I know feel better.
At SHE was the one who came up with the idea of seeing a movie. Although, she was just kidding, most likely. Even goofing around seriously about it, couldn't hurt. What if she was for real? What then? At least I'd stand a chance on some morally common grounds with myself.
Oh, well. If I like her and she doesn't actually like me. Things will go back to normal and I'll try my hardest to do the Rationalize-My-Emotions-Away routine to the best of my abilities. Plus, at least I get the enjoyment of spending time with her. ^_^

one by one I'll be searching for something.....

^_^russ^_^

Jesus. That was seriously painful. I'm surprised I ever even had sex when I did let alone at all with this shit floating around in my head and on the internet. 

Nov 30th, 2003 WSG April Rouech

So I've been doing these updates every day that I had an entry 12 years ago. Obviously there's gonna be some breaks in the "action," but I had friends who were equally as lame, awful and awkward back then as I was who might stop by for a drink and give a glimpse into their life as an "exciting" teen. April is one of those people. She happened to have a couple of entries from November 30th, 2003. Play the video, nerd.

Subject: i want to fix.

Time: 11:01 am.

Mood: determined.

im cold and i dont feel good. 

i have to go to work and im not into that. 

someone visit me. 

yesterday i drank with robert at dans. raquel and daniel and john and kristen were there. i fell asleep and spilt alot of beer all over me and the couch. 

me and cory went to the mall. i bought some socks. and i didnt get the nurses uniform. hah. ten dollars. 

i got called into work. my check will be huggge. like 160 dollars. im fucking rich. kinda. 

i hate that you dont feel it. 

what can i do?

Time: 7:57 pm.

i saved it today. someone buy it for me. he cries like a sheep when he falls over. and he isnt soft and hes sad because noone will ever buy an 80 dollar teddy bear.

Correction: April was actually 16 during the time of this LiveJournal post. Not 15 like she said. Doesn't make the underage drinking much better, but whatever. Also, credit to Steve the Pug for his special appearance in this entry.

April can be found on instagram @arouech

Steve the Pug can be found on Facebook as Steve Angers

Nov 29th, 2003

Hey! A new post! About love and life and meaning! Just kidding. It's a bunch of bullshit about my non-existent love life and decisions that had no consequences. Play the video, nerd.

 I still believe it when you say, it's just another perfect day...

Nov. 29th, 2003 | 04:30 am
mood: optimistic
music: Jibba jabba

Today was long but good. I learned quite a bit. I decided not to ask girl1 out because at practice, I just stopped liking her. Sitting there, just listening to music, I just lost all feeling for her, but I just shrugged it all off.
Girl2 is looking on the up and up. Might be doing something with her. Kendall: You know who girl1 is but you're not getting too close to knowing girl2 is. I did one scene at practice then at noon, left and it took me 45 minutes to get home. Then Chris and I and my dad went to the saginaw rescue mission, and dropped off some clothes and stuff.
We rented Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Tony Hawk Underground. THUG is so much fun. We went over to Kendall's where we talked to Kaitie (his sister) and his mom while we waited for Kevin, Kyle, Noel, and Andrew. We all talked there for awhile then went bowling. It was fun. We were changing eachother's names. Funny stuff. Then we went to taco bell and ate then ended up at kevin's at around 11 pm. Then we played Monopoly and I was kicking ass until they teamed up against me. And we're talking at 4:30 am. I think we're going to be up talking for awhile.

man, solo from the pet rock...

russ

p.s. crap Kendall knows I like his sister. crap

If only I'd known the implications of my actions from this LiveJournal post. Haha. Just kidding. Nothing fucking happened.

Nov 28th, 2003

Thank god. This is a relatively boring post. There's bound to be plenty of these. It's no less uncomfortable for me, but still relatively boring. Play the video, nerd.

on the up and up....to the down and down....

Nov. 28th, 2003 | 02:40 am
mood: awake
music: less than jake - my very own flag

Well now, I went out with the gang tonight. We saw Master in COmmand starring Russell Crowe and I knew it was going to suck and it did, 2 hours a waste of time. Going deal hunting with kevin and chris tomorrow at 8 am the play practice from 10-1, kevin and chris are going to the mall but i think I'm just going to stay home and clean. It's for the best. At play practice tomorrow, I think I might ask Girl1 out on a date for saturday night. What've I got to lose? Nothing at all actually. If she says no, at least I finally know where I stand with her. Things couldn't get more awkward than they already are. I don't think I'll ask Girl2 out for awhile, though. I need to spend a bit more time around her. Thanks kristin for all your advice. Can't wait to see Bad Santa with you next weekend. And go to the Anathallo show with you tuesday! Don't forget about either!

and time is a marker as a remedy...

russ

Good lord. Get bent, you emo idiot.

Nov 27, 2003 Pt. 2

Part 2 of a Thanksgiving I'd rather not talk about from 12 years ago. Warning: I was a piece of shit and it was only my second post. Enjoy! Play the video, nerd.

Last night I had the strangest dream...

Nov. 27th, 2003 | 08:04 pm
mood: hopeful
music: The Postal Service - Sleeping In

Really wierd dream last night. Well what I remember was this, my ex-grilfriend Katie was working at the airport as a flight attendant. She was sitting down and I gave her a hug. I told her I was sorry I hadn't talked to her in so long. She had a strange look on her face, then gave me plane tickets to where she was going. Just really strange. I think I dreamt it only because last night was the first time I really acknowledged her existence for about a year.
Today (thanksgiving) was really cool and yet not. I haven't really accomplished anything all day. My mom won't let me go to sleep because I have play practice at 10 am tomorrow. Wanted to go out tonight, but everybody else's parents are letting them sleep.
Talked to Kendall about hanging out but plans never panned out.
Hopefully going to see Anathallo next tuesday. I still like this girl at school, but this more popular guy is going after her. She's given me classic signs that she likes me, but I'm usually wrong about that stuff. I know eventually I'll rationalize with myself by saying, "She's too good for you. She's just being nice. Why would she want a guy like you when she could have any guy she wants, especially that rich jewish kid." oops said too much. Ben can go to hell or whatever opposite of heaven Jews believe in. I like this other girl, but we went out once, but I doubt she feels the same as I do, just like all the other girls I liked. We'll just have to see how things develop. Girl1 is a lot less likely to go out with me than Girl2. Well, I'll probably see both of them tomorrow at practice.
For now, I'm gone like a forgotten song blown away by the winds of change...

russ

I'm gonna go donate some money to a Jewish temple or something now to offset this post.

Nov 27, 2003 Pt. 1

So this is where it all starts. Grab a drink and sit through all the awkwardness you can possibly handle. Play the video, nerd.

Well now....

Nov. 27th, 2003 | 02:15 pm
mood: good
music: Motion City Soundtrack - a-ok

As far as first entries go...this one is going to be reasonably okay....I think? Well, yesterday afternoon was fun for awhile. I came home after taking Katy to her house after school, and my friend Chris was here from florida because his family is visiting the rest of their family for thanksgiving.

All three of us (Chris, Katy, And I) went to our friend Noel's where we watched tv and played super NES. It was fun.

Then I had plans to go hang out with Kristin at the mall. SO I left Noel's place and went to meet Kristin and Katy came with me so she could do some shopping. Kristin and I walked aroun the mall, into rainbow, wet seal, suncoast, sam goody (where i bought the Motion City Soundtrack CD), and Hot Topic. I like hanging out with her. Hanging out with a great, funny, outgoing, individual kind of girl like her is always fun. I'm glad she invited me along, too. Because I had church that night and Angela (ex girlfriend who i broke up with last sunday because she was always yelling at me and being mean to me. Even when things were her fault, I had to say I was sorry or else she wouldn't talk to me for a week. More on all this later.) was going to be there.

It started at seven and I got there at eight with Katy. Her and Angie are friends so Katy gave me a note from her that I didn't read until after church when I went beack over to Noel's. Church was fun though. Katy had a really fun time which is good because everyone needs at least a little God in their life.

Anyways, it was all fun. I talked to one of my ex-girlfriends for the first time in the longest. Granted is wasn't a one on one kinda thing, more or less like social interaction, but still it's progress. Played games. Talked to this girl Rachel who I used to be friends with, and I could see that friendship starting up again soon, too.

Angela was just ripping on me the entire night. When my friend Chris and I had to do a performance piece I heard her say, "Oh God, Russell's in this. I'm not watching." So fast forward, they left early. 11 rolled around and we (chris and me) went over to Noel's where Kevin, Kendall, Josh, Kyle and Noel were already. We watched Lord of the Rings: Two Towers and played video games. I read Angela's note and it was talking about how much she loved me and wanted to be friends. All I could think was how much that sounded cool but it was complete bull crap. Oh well.

Talked to my friend Kailyn on the phone last night too. I got this livejournal. Thanks for the livejournal code, Pumpkin, whoever you are. I plan to make it a lot better looking but probably not 'til monday at school where the computers are a heck of a lot better. So for now....I'm gone. Hope you liked the entry. Leave me a comment. Opinions are important to me.


Don't think...Feel,


Russ

Formatting may change in terms of videos as this goes on, but it may not just to keep it as painful and raw as possible.